Neverland - Tinkerbell’s Sin 3

[iridesenescence]

Writer: Akira
Season: Summer
Location: Back Alley

Translated by iridesenescence, proofread by yoroshikilled



Shu: Ah... I see, that makes sense.

Mika: ...?

Shu: Kagehira. It would seem I have misunderstood you. I presumed that the reason you were striving to become a human was to please me; to grant my wishes.
After all, you hadn’t changed in the slightest since our parting — at the very least, that was how things appeared from my point of view.

Mika: ......

Shu: You continued to live as a doll, all the while claiming you would become human.
You were no different from before: a doll pretending to be human, unable to lift even the tips of your fingers unless I commanded you to do so myself.
You were nothing but a puppet with its strings cut.
Near the end of last year, you rented an apartment of your own accord and began living there alone.
On top of that, you took on a tremendous amount of individual jobs, deliberately not involving me.
This might come as a surprise to you, but I felt assured when I learnt of all that. I presumed you were finally growing independent, finally able to lead a life of your own choosing.
I believed you had begun to select a path to follow, not because I had ordered you to, but because that was what you desired.
I interpreted the situation as such and allowed myself to rest assured after simply taking things at face value.
However, things truly aren’t what they seem, are they?
You aren’t doing a proper job of living alone, and in your individual jobs you simply conduct yourself as is asked of you. You’re utterly incapable of conveying the emotions you truly want to express.
Not to mention, the plan for the JNLC that I decided to leave in your hands is also coming along terribly.
Since you’ve got absolutely nothing in terms of content, I had hoped you would at least have a vague idea —
Yet when I asked to hear your thoughts, the only “ideas” you could concoct were nothing but second-rate replicas of my own creations. You were simply regurgitating lines I would say, and thoughts I would have.
What a pathetic imitation. You’re nothing but a doll pretending to be human.
Even if you physically appear to be human, you’re still just as you were before: a hollow doll.

Mika: ......

Shu: ... Unable to consider any other possibilities, I flew into a rage.
In my sheer shock and disappointment, I lashed out. First, allow me to apologise for reprimanding you in such an unsightly manner in a public space.
I’m sorry, Kagehira. I acted in a manner that trampled over your dignity as a human being — as my equal.
Though it is an unforgivable sin, I must at least offer an apology.

Mika: Nnah, please don’t go lowerin' yer head like that! I mean, I totally failed to meet yer expectations, so 'course you’d get mad...

Shu: There is a saying that warns not to see malice in that which can adequately be explained by “ignorance”. I suppose you could call it the secret to living life with a peaceful mind.
If one were to view everything that disadvantages them as malicious and attempting to strike at them, they'd not have an ally in all the world.
Many of the hindrances and misfortunes that run rampant in the world are no different from emotionless bugs — that is to say, they are simply flying about in our surroundings.
From the moment we see it as an attack, or a curse someone has placed on us, we switch from seeking to defend ourselves to seeking a “culprit”, thus beginning a futile witch hunt.
I’ve had quite enough of situations like that. These play-wars where we split ourselves into allies and enemies... They’re hardly interesting enough to continue playing, particularly now that we’ve graduated high school and stepped out into the real world.
What’s more, we are not enemies, but allies. In this world, we have only each other.
If I were to deem my only brethren as an enemy and cut him down, then I would truly be alone in this world.
Even geniuses and monsters are powerless in solitude.

Mika: ... But even if ya got rid of me, you’d still have Mado-nee, wouldn’tcha?

Shu: She is me. Our connection is far more intimate than even the ones between twins such as 2wink. She shares not only my life, but also my soul — she and I are one and the same.
But you are different. You are no doll of mine. And since we are not of one mind, it goes without saying that you won’t move as I desire you to.
My expectations were unrealistic to begin with. In no way was it a valid reason to reprimand you.

Mika: ......

Shu: This is mere speculation, but... Kagehira. You’ve felt uneasy this whole time, haven’t you?
The frustration at how nothing was going your way gradually led to unease, and... Though I hate to say this, it drove you to cling to our past glory.
As the sovereigns of Yumenosaki Academy, we of Valkyrie did rule for an era. Though we had fallen, for just a moment, into the depths of a ravine, we made a brilliant comeback and have once again attained success.
You attempted to recreate the experiences of our past to set your heart at ease, didn’t you?
Which explains why the plan you devised for JNLC was simply a reprise of our past performances.
Humans learn from experience. It’s hardly uncommon to see people cling to past successes.
What you were doing was not just imitating humans, nor were you imitating myself from the position of a doll. You were attempting to return to the you of the past — as humans do.
On top of that, your role model was none other than myself. It was I who taught you the basics of being an idol, after all.
Thus, the only tools you would know to use are those I have granted you.
As someone lacking in both knowledge and experience, it stands to reason that despite “putting all your effort into it”, that which you produce is no different from past creations.
You said so yourself, too. Unlike me, you’re no genius.
Of course you wouldn’t be capable of creating an artwork you had never before laid eyes upon. Yet I only knew how to measure others against myself... I expected far too much of you.

Mika: ... Ya sure are crazy confident as ever, Oshi-san... Most people wouldn’t be able t’ say that with a straight face, ya know?

Shu: Hmph. The essentials of creating art are none other than stamina, skill, and confidence. In fact, one might even venture to say that eighty percent of an artwork is derived from confidence.
Without confidence, one cannot pour time and money into the creation of an artwork, nor can one unabashedly present it to the world.
That belief in yourself is precisely what you lack. Though I can’t ascertain if that is due to the harsh manner in which I called you defective and the like, or if it has to do with your familial background...
The fact of the matter is that to you, Valkyrie was the one thing you could confidently take pride in. The success we had once experienced in our glorious golden era...
When nothing was going your way, and you had been reduced to little more than a lost child haphazardly bumping into walls... All you could do was walk with that as your map.
... You were having a hard time, weren’t you, Kagehira? Far from idling away or forgetting about it, you truly were trying your hardest, to the point of shaving years off of your life, weren’t you?
To the point where you couldn’t even spare the time to clean your apartment nor purchase food... To the point where, at the peak of your exhaustion, you couldn’t even stand steadily and end up tripping over nothing.

Mika: ......

Shu: Surely you were unused to this, and on top of it all, you had personal work to handle as well...
While I was off in Paris, filling my days with the activities I loved, surely you were far busier and left with much less time...
You poured all the time, passion, and energy that you had to spare and worked your hardest at this, didn’t you? Yet despite your efforts, nothing came to mind and your hands wouldn’t move, leaving you vexed and agonised, didn’t it?

Mika: Nnah~... Oshi-san, ya really understand everythin’ about me, don’cha?

Shu: Not at all. You’re not me, after all. But as a fellow creator and performer, I too have experienced this before.

Mika: Oh, so yer speakin' from experience?

Shu: Indeed. You saw for yourself the state that I was in last year, wrapping myself in a blanket and shaking like a leaf.
At present, you’re no different from the person I was back then — unsure of where to go, and only able to cower in fear because I saw everything around me as an enemy.
Once hailed as a sovereign, I had been as powerless as a child.
The reason I could get back on my feet and walk forward once again was none other than you, Kagehira. Though I wouldn’t say it was solely thanks to you, the fact of the matter is that you did save me.


Shu: So this time, I would like to save you. At the very least, I would like to help you up from the ground, and until you are able to walk on your own, I shall carry you.
Rest assured, Kagehira. Though I know not what you may perceive me as, especially since you sometimes spoil me the way a mother would —
I am still a brother who is a year older than you; I have just slightly more experience than you do.